I used to love driving. he reminds me why. Because now I hate driving - on my own. But when he's driving with me, I could keep driving forever. I always thoroughly enjoy our travels each weekend - sometimes we head up to Warwick for a little "city dwelling". Sometimes, to Toowoomba to see family. Naturally, my camera is always within my hands reach. Every weekend now, without fail, we head out to our favourite cafe: The Coach House Cafe. And today, we figured out that a sun-deck is being built - and I am completely beside myself. There are very few things I love more than eating a beautiful breakfast in thesunshine with a glorious view.
Warwick is interesting this time of year. Apparently, it's Christmas In July there - and the main street is lined with Australian-Themed decorated trees. It's Winter here - and a cold one at that. Some considerate resident thought that our late Premier "THOMAS JOSEPH BYRNES" (or, the monument thereof) would like a scarf and beanie to keep his cement neck and head warm. I thought it was a nice sentiment.
And then, sadly, we made the foolish mistake of ordering breakfast in a Warwick cafe. Needless to say, the food was below sub-par. The eggs were somewhere between burnt and watery. The toast? One slice, cut in half, not even buttered. Worcestershire sauce drizzled around the edges of the plate. And Matt's bacon and egg roll - greasy. Stale, ordinary bun. Bacon burnt. Egg dry. Oozing with too much sauce, I assume in an attempt to cover the lack of pleasing flavour. The hot chocolate was chalky and luke-warm - with a lack of a full-cream frothy taste. Now, i'm no food critic, and it's really not my style to criticise or belittle others. But, for $25, it was a disgrace. It's just - you can tell when someone has no passion for what they do. It really shows. And, Matt and I both looked at each other, and we missed "our" cafe. Still, I took some pretty pictures, as the cafe itself was more beautiful than it's food gave it credit for.
Soon after I'd finished my photographic expedition, we decided to get back on the road. I love roadtrips with Matt. Short. Long. just to the corner store. It doesn't matter. Once we're in the car, and the engine starts, and I feel it below my feet. Just driving, and driving - fields and forests and lakes flying past my window. Michael Jackson playing on the stereo. Our air-freshener/wedding photo twirling and dancing in the half-open window cross-flow. It's not a clean car - it's nearly always filthy. It's falling apart from the inside out, no matter how many times we fix it. My window doesn't even wind properly. But we love this car. It's been there through and seen us through our entire relationship.
This car is also home. In this car, he said "I love you". In fact, his exact words were "Would it freak you out if I said I love you?". Of course, it being only 2 weeks into our crazy break-up-make-up-break-up-make-uprelationship, it really should have scared me.
But I felt only happiness. Like a burst of energy - and suddenly I could do anything. I wasn't afraid of anything in this world. Like I could do anything. I replied "No, it doesn't freak me out - because I feel the exact same way".
I remembered a scripture I'd once read:
"for bperfect clove dcasteth out all fear."(Moroni 8:16)
I was afraid of Matt, in the beginning. I was afraid of men in general. It made me do some abhorrentthings to him, that I myself will never forgive myself for, nor forget. I knew I wasn't perfect. And I knew Matt wasn't perfect. But what was now growing between us was nothing but perfect, and no one, and nothingcould, or will ever be able to tell me otherwise. We still aren't perfect - but if you could know, if i could describe how pure it is, combined.
In this car, in that beginning, Matt kept me safe. Hidden. It was a world of our own. We drove everywhere in it. Or I should say, he drove us everywhere in it. I had the sound of the engine memorised; I still do. It isn't much, it doesn't look like much. But in this car, WE SAID "LET'S GET MARRIED" - one night, pulled over under a streetlight in Goonellabah. We weren't just happy. we belonged.
I remember one night. About a year ago, Matt and I had taken a holiday from home. About 8 hours drive from home, in fact. We would always share long drives though, taking 2 hour driving intervals between us. about half way through our holiday, around 11pm, I became very sick. Violently. I had some form of gastro-bug, that was obvious, and all I wanted was home. Our home, in Ballina. I was a mess, and in tears. No matter what I or Matt did - hot water bottles, medicines, cold face washers, lavender. Nothing helped.
Matt asked me "do you want me to take you home?"
I almost laughed, if I could. His face stayed the same - straight. Genuine. As he has always been, with me,with my heart.
I felt my own face drop a little, and then I nodded, crying.
He packed all our gear up as quick as he could, re-heated my hot water bottle, and took me down to our car. Once he had packed everything in, and helped me nestle into the front seat beside me - making sure my hot water bottle was comfortably over my stomach, fluffing a pillow behind my head, and tucking our blanket in and around my sides. Once he was satisfied, he started the car and began our long, 8 hour drive home.
When I get that sick, my body uses a lot of energy. It will spend all it's energy expelling the illness, and then, it will collapse - for lack of a better word. It burns out, and nothing is left.
All I remember from then on was blurry lights flashing steadily over my head, cold wind against the right side of my face. Long periods of winding darkness. Just glimpses of all these things, as I would rouse from a feverish sleep every hour or so. But the most vivid image from all the scattered thoughts I have from that night: I would look across the car, to see my Matt, his hands still fervently clutching the wheel, eyes fixed on the road - squinting through midnight under the weight and pressure of his own exhaustion. All to get me home. 8 hours straight in the dead of night. all for me. I can NEVER get that image, that memory, that picture out of my head. Out of my heart.
M Y H E R O.
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Thankyou for reading! Your thoughts, questions and comments are always loved and appreciated!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thankyou for reading! Your thoughts, questions and comments are always loved and appreciated!
This car is also home. In this car, he said "I love you". In fact, his exact words were "Would it freak you out if I said I love you?". Of course, it being only 2 weeks into our crazy break-up-make-up-break-up-make-uprelationship, it really should have scared me.
But I felt only happiness. Like a burst of energy - and suddenly I could do anything. I wasn't afraid of anything in this world. Like I could do anything. I replied "No, it doesn't freak me out - because I feel the exact same way".
I remembered a scripture I'd once read:
"for bperfect clove dcasteth out all fear."(Moroni 8:16)
I was afraid of Matt, in the beginning. I was afraid of men in general. It made me do some abhorrentthings to him, that I myself will never forgive myself for, nor forget. I knew I wasn't perfect. And I knew Matt wasn't perfect. But what was now growing between us was nothing but perfect, and no one, and nothingcould, or will ever be able to tell me otherwise. We still aren't perfect - but if you could know, if i could describe how pure it is, combined.
In this car, in that beginning, Matt kept me safe. Hidden. It was a world of our own. We drove everywhere in it. Or I should say, he drove us everywhere in it. I had the sound of the engine memorised; I still do. It isn't much, it doesn't look like much. But in this car, WE SAID "LET'S GET MARRIED" - one night, pulled over under a streetlight in Goonellabah. We weren't just happy. we belonged.
I remember one night. About a year ago, Matt and I had taken a holiday from home. About 8 hours drive from home, in fact. We would always share long drives though, taking 2 hour driving intervals between us. about half way through our holiday, around 11pm, I became very sick. Violently. I had some form of gastro-bug, that was obvious, and all I wanted was home. Our home, in Ballina. I was a mess, and in tears. No matter what I or Matt did - hot water bottles, medicines, cold face washers, lavender. Nothing helped.
Matt asked me "do you want me to take you home?"
I almost laughed, if I could. His face stayed the same - straight. Genuine. As he has always been, with me,with my heart.
I felt my own face drop a little, and then I nodded, crying.
He packed all our gear up as quick as he could, re-heated my hot water bottle, and took me down to our car. Once he had packed everything in, and helped me nestle into the front seat beside me - making sure my hot water bottle was comfortably over my stomach, fluffing a pillow behind my head, and tucking our blanket in and around my sides. Once he was satisfied, he started the car and began our long, 8 hour drive home.
When I get that sick, my body uses a lot of energy. It will spend all it's energy expelling the illness, and then, it will collapse - for lack of a better word. It burns out, and nothing is left.
All I remember from then on was blurry lights flashing steadily over my head, cold wind against the right side of my face. Long periods of winding darkness. Just glimpses of all these things, as I would rouse from a feverish sleep every hour or so. But the most vivid image from all the scattered thoughts I have from that night: I would look across the car, to see my Matt, his hands still fervently clutching the wheel, eyes fixed on the road - squinting through midnight under the weight and pressure of his own exhaustion. All to get me home. 8 hours straight in the dead of night. all for me. I can NEVER get that image, that memory, that picture out of my head. Out of my heart.
M Y H E R O.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thankyou for reading! Your thoughts, questions and comments are always loved and appreciated!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thankyou for reading! Your thoughts, questions and comments are always loved and appreciated!
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